Only Everything

Today we started with a clean house (acceptably clean, at least) so the “only” thing I needed to do today was take care of four kids.

I ONLY had to make breakfast for 5 people, clean up after breakfast, and clean up the shredded cheese that the twins somehow got out of the fridge and scattered throughout the house.

I ONLY had to wash, dry, and put away three loads of laundry to keep the pile from growing out of control and overwhelming me.

I ONLY had to pour milk, pour juice, pass out string cheese, peel and slice apples, make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (two crunchy, one creamy), make pepperoni sandwiches, clean up after lunch, wipe up 17 spills, sweep the kitchen floor three times, change diapers, wash hands, wash faces, and intercept the “potion” making with my cleaning supplies.

I ONLY had to break up fights, apply band-aids, check temperatures while praying it’s “just” a virus, wipe noses, and coach kids as they attempted unsuccessfully to blow their own noses because they only know how to breathe in and not blow out.

I ONLY had to give hot baths in epsom salts to make them feel better, rub backs, massage necks, pray there’s a simple reason for the headache, stretch muscles from head to toe while answering the question “Why are you stretching my leg if it’s my head that’s hurting?”,  hold, snuggle, rock and walk, and throw in some manual therapy and make mental notes of everything else the PT in me wants to work on.

I ONLY had to wash a load of dishes in the dishwasher and a sink or two full by hand. I ONLY had to get more orange juice, more pepperoni sandwiches, and more apples. Check more temperatures, apply more band-aids, and change more diapers. Wash more hands and wash more faces.

I ONLY had to listen to a sick child whine and cry for 6 hours straight and hold myself together because I’m sick too and want to whine and cry with him.

As much as I needed to rest, I ONLY got him to take his medicine and fall asleep in time for me to sit down for five minutes and then it’s time to get dinner started. Then I’ll ONLY need to prep dinner, cook dinner, clean up after dinner, and then start the bedtime drill. All while continuing to break up fights, pass out drinks, pass out snacks, change diapers, wipe noses, check temperatures, wipe up spills, read stories, brush teeth, and pass meds as needed.

I’m only approaching the end of the first of my three 8 hour shifts of the day and comparatively, it’s an easy shift or I wouldn’t even be writing this. Inevitably, by the end of the week, someone is going to ask me some variation of “So what do you DO all day?” and I’ll add them to my list of people who will never understand. The work of managing a household with 6 people living in it and trying to make life seamless and keep yourself and everyone and everything else afloat is non-stop and the type of work that’s only visible when it’s not done. The mental and physical load of motherhood is overwhelming and never-ending. Add in the extra needs and challenges brought on by neurodivergence and the mental and physical load is absolutely crushing.

I could never pay someone to do what I do. In fact, one person couldn’t do it. There aren’t enough hours in the day. The work conditions would not be tolerable. The pay could never be enough. No one will work for 24 hours. No one can be on call at all times. There are no built in sick days. There are no vacation days even when on vacation. If a capable person existed, I could never afford to pay what the care and work and time and skill are actually worth.

Yet, there are people who believe this work doesn’t matter. That it’s not enough. That it doesn’t count. That it’s not as valuable as paid employment. That maybe it doesn’t even exist, I mean, how hard could it be? How much time could it possibly take? They wonder why it takes all day. Why there are no breaks. Why you can’t do the things they think you should be able to do. The things that they do. The things that can be done when a parent is not so outnumbered. The things that can be done when life and brains are typical and the challenges are not so all consuming and overwhelming. What do I do all day? Only everything.